amusement.

Pugs make me smile.

Pugs make me smile.

After an unfortunate bus debacle with a downtown creeper, I think I need a little something called “comedy.” (Apparently creepers aren’t all men. I’m no longer discriminatory based on gender.)

I hear laughter is good for the soul (or maybe it’s ice cream and fried chicken). Here are some good sources for amusement. A disclaimer may be necessary: you may not find these things amusing. You may even find them sad (see Ads for Retirement Homes and Comb-overs). But if you can’t laugh at sea cows and men with woefully dreadful hair-dos that symbolize baldness-denial, then what can you laugh at? My ex-philosophy professor would be horrified at the logic I’ve just employed. Bear with me.

Mel Gibson with luscious locks and a weird accent + film rife with historical inaccuracies = amusement.

Mel Gibson with luscious locks and a weird accent + film rife with historical inaccuracies = amusement.

Advertisements for retirement homes
The Onion
Action movies starring Michael Douglas
Cute Overload
Point Break (Keanu!)
Glenn Beck (crazzzy!)
Japanese TV shows
The Colbert Report
Rick James in Eddie Murphy’s “Party All The Time”
McGyver
Wine
Manitees
Comb-overs
Wooden carvings shaped like squirrels
Christopher Walken
Autoharps

And lastly… anything involving Amy Sedaris (e.g., Strangers With Candy) or related to her (e.g., David Sedaris in small doses). I’m a huge fan of her book I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence. The title sums up how I entertain. It may even describe how I live generally. I like my friends; I drink wine. I like telling my friends that I like them after having some wine.

1) Go get a 1 gallon paint pail, fill it with candy  2) Write FUCK IT BUCKET on it. When shit gets you down just say 'FUCK IT,' and eat some muthafuckin’ candy. Thanks, Amy.

1) Go get a 1 gallon paint pail, fill it with candy 2) Write FUCK IT BUCKET on it. When shit gets you down just say 'FUCK IT,' and eat some muthafuckin’ candy. Thanks, Amy.

In addition to entertaining tips, Amy offers tips for everyday things like roasting a chicken for a lumberjack, having a rich uncle over for dinner (scatter gold coins around the centerpiece), and going on Blind Dates. We’ve probably all experienced them, and I can assure you that they bring out levels of awkwardness in me I never knew existed. Here are the tips Amy offers. I regularly use them in everyday life, particularly the last one. It’s best to sit in silence if someone bores you. xo, m

Blind Date Conversational Suggestions
Don’t ask hard questions or questions that involve a lot of thinking, such as:
Does the sun make noise?
Do you tip a cobbler?
How do you teach hope?
When can we see each other again?

Don’t Assume Things
Where did you go to high school? (Maybe he didn’t.)
What does your father do? (Maybe he was murdered.)
Who did you vote for? (Don’t assume he’s allowed to.)
What do you think of my hospitality book? (Don’t assume he can read.)

Other Don’ts
Don’t cry.
Don’t tell everything about yourself; save it for your OBGYN.
Don’t dress too young.
Don’t answer the door in a wedding dress and veil; he might not think you’re joking.
Don’t be a jabber jaw. You learn more by listening than by talking. (However, if your date is a poor story-teller, it’s best to sit there silent.)

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