what’s next.

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When I was younger, I pretended I was a superhero. I tied one of my older brother’s t-shirts around my neck, stood on the top of the couch, and jumped off. The momentary flutter of the cape made me feel like I was flying.

This belief in my own strength carried me through difficult experiences with family, moving to New York and then Dublin alone, helped me cope with depression, and ultimately guided me away from relationships that were stifling. Belief in my own strength was at the core of my self-image.

As I approach 26, I’m not the way I thought I was. Graduate school and teaching have proven to be so difficult that I left my position at the high school and am now seeking a new placement or another path. I love teaching, and working with children draws out a joy and compassion from within that I hardly knew existed.

It was my choice to leave, and maybe it was preventable had I exerted the strength I thought I possessed. For the past few months, I’ve been reticent about identifying what I need and asking for it. I suppressed the inner voice that tells you you’re struggling; I believed too firmly in my own strength that I neglected fostering it.

I’m not sure why that is, but I’m sitting here in an ugly purple hoody with a large cup of coffee and Ryan Adams blasting on the stereo, trying to reconcile the memory of myself as a strong girl and the image of myself leaving the school yesterday in the pouring rain, crying, discovering a $50 ticket on my dash and muttering an expletive under my breath.

Not the best of weeks. But thanks to my friends, it hasn’t been the worst of weeks either. lv, molly

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3 thoughts on “what’s next.

  1. Strength isn’t as much how you manage hardship as much as how you react to hardship. It takes tremendous strength to admit something isn’t working. The only sign of weakness is if you let it keep you from moving forward.

    We all have moments of weakness. We all have failures in life. None of us are as strong as we wish we were. And, unfortunately, none of us can fly. (And nobody has a car and utility belt as cool as batman. At best, we’re all a bunch of Robins. But I see nothing wrong with that!)

    I think what I’m trying to say is: Don’t think of yourself as any less strong. Don’t think of yourself as any less of a superhero. Because you’re not.

  2. Thank you, Alex. I appreciate that. I like the idea of being a Robin and being cool with it.
    I needed this little pep talk. :)

  3. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web smart so I’m not 100% positive. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks

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